LOG: September 21st, 2022
With this, the final missive on the topic of this cursed "HOAGIE BARGE", we release the eighth song to complete the digital version of the Marmalade Duplex's third LP, 01001000 01001111 01000111 01001001 01000010 01000001 01010010 01000111 (CP-003).
And, as we type, a small smiling robot-boat drone thingie is crossing waters to the band at this time and delivering this very letter from us to them. We know a lot of people care dearly about this band so please brace yourself and see further details below:
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Date: September 21, 2022
To,
Marmalads AKA The Marmalade Duplex
c/o
Hoagie Barge
Latitude: *redacted*
Longitude: *redacted*
Sub: Letter of Termination of Renewed Contract for Gross Bun Misconduct and Negligence On The High Seas And Failure To Tour The Sandwich Songs
Dear Hateful Marmalads,
This is to formally inform you that the Management at Corduroy Palace Recordings and Wine Bar has decided to terminate your contract in advance, effective NOW with the company. While we respected the fact that living on a “Hoagie Barge” right now may very well be your choice as artists we have been very disgruntled about your lack of response to our great efforts.
We virtue signaled constantly to the denizens of the internets about how we were very concerned for your well being (maybe more so than we actually were to be honest) and how we wanted to get you home safely. We commissioned a very expensive Hoagie-related video by very famous Sandwich Artist, Tyler Witzel, to bring awareness to the public about the dangers of being trapped in sandwich boats on bodies of water everywhere. Hoping that this also might capture the public’s imagination about you and your music. During this troubled time every staff member of our organization would wake up each morning and ruminate about how to organize a proper Hoagie Boat tour for the Marmalade Duplex band so that these binary messages of yours could be taken directly to the shorelines of the peoples. Perhaps with a pop-up Corduroy Palace Wine Bar on deck? All-Aboard-All-U-Can-Eat Party subs?
I myself (you can call me “Broke Fax Sam”) had an awake dream of your boat tour to-be with fellow sandwich boat-band Marillion as a special guest in tandem with their own “Silmarillion” water vessel. Traveling from sea to shining sea to ports all over the world with you guys.
Picture this: the mighty Marillion, reunited with their original lead singer, and performing a stellar set on the Silmarillion’s bow. A packed boatshow. During the apex of a thrilling rendition of their hit song “The Web” we witness Fish tearing up a giant submarine sandwich with his bare hands and replacing the repeated lyrical mantra in the original composition with the words “Thus ends the Sub” over and over again in its place for effect. Possibly in binary? His face suitably slathered in sub shop accoutrement (such as mustard and pickles). Wouldn't this be amazing? All of this as the sun sets in anticipation of the Marmalade Duplex taking the stage shortly thereafter on their own (you guessed it) HOAGIE BARGE vessel to perform their binary LP masterpiece in its entirety. 1-0-1-let’s all have some fun, I thought. I had even started using my vast showbiz connections, working the phones to try to make this dream a reality. I was thinking: what contract shall I write up first?
However, none of this was to be. We were left only with 100 views on our new youtube channel and no real communication with you and more and more of your dumb tracks piling up on our hard drives. And now here is what we have as well: a torn up contract.
You have failed in every way in life it seems. It’s possible you are content to lounge around in your sailor-sub-suits composing and playing that dead chicken music of yours but we are finished with it. Your “management company” seems to have access to you via Mr. Sub surveillance camera and a “Hoagie Barge Cloud” (that we can only access via their Instagram account page) and yet you have shut us out completely. When your management did finally disclose your whereabouts we sent out an inter-dimensional lifeboat crumpet to retrieve you, which you soundly ushered away or maybe even destroyed? Buckingham palace has been asking us for over a week about its return.
And so: we have assembled your third LP ourselves, “01001000 01001111 01000111 01001001 01000010 01000001 01010010 01000111”, using these binary broadcasts of yours and a clip art cover design cobbled together by one of our press agent/interns (ironically it is probably the most fetching of all your designs so far, concocted by Clive “Horseradish Hair” Harriet). We are now in the process of preparing your fourth LP (piecing together some past things from your bandcamp), thereby fulfilling our four LP contract. The fourth and final LP in our agreement will debut on our new “Obscurity Editions” imprint and will likely consist of a run of ten or so overpriced lathe copies.
Lately on occasion we have been accidentally getting dish liquid in our mouths and it tastes disgusting. But not as disgusting as the taste left in our mouths as we sever this business relationship with you for our own good and the good of our good ol’ fashioned Wine Bar that some fancy ex-NY-er guy in Singapore stole the name of.
Please check out your bandcamp page to listen to the final song in your eight song sub-set. If you wish to pre-order your third LP, please follow the link to our bigcartel site. Cheap shipping rates to the US are only available for the pre-order. We expect the physical records early next year in time for INTERNATIONAL HOAGIE DAY, 2023. This, THE WORLD’S FIRST EVER ALL-BINARY LP will be produced in a hand-binary-numbered edition of 200 copies. In an attempt to recoup some of our losses dealing with your bullshit we have placed an ad for our fabulous Wine Bar on this final track from the LP. And please stay tuned for news on your final release!
Wishing you luck in future endeavors,
Sammy-uel “Elle The Broken Fax Machine” Salade
HR Manager
Corduroy Palace Recordings and Wine Bar
LOG: Sept 8th, 2022
Well, here we go again. Another transmission from the Marmalade Duplex. It sounds fraught but what are we supposed to think? They have been contacting us with these audio messages but how are we supposed to even help? I’m sure they are laughing at us from their supposed lunch-vessel but the joke could be on them in the end when everybody tires of this and forgets all about them. Are they actually on *anybody’s* radar anyway? We sent out an e-mail distress call to their “preferred” DJS but nobody even bothered with it!
But: we did actually have a listen to this. Sure, the very first part indicates something. But the rest: I don’t know. The binary doesn’t add up to anything. Maybe it’s on some level of binary even the most simple person cannot comprehend. We did contact Hilbert Pupusa again and he mentioned something about the possibility that they are dealing with their trauma in “being trapped in a 10 billion piece puzzle the size of a football field” in the past (but he would not elaborate further).
We looked up one of the puzzling numbers and could only find this:
“Where s is the sign bit, s is its inverse (i.e. positive values are encoded with MSB = s = 1), and bits marked x are discarded. Note that the first column of the table uses different representation of negative values than the third column. So for example, input decimal value −21 is represented in binary after bit inversion as 1000000010100, which maps to 00001010 (according to the first row of the table). When decoding, this maps back to 1000000010101, which is interpreted as output value −21 in decimal. Input value +52 (0000000110100 in binary) maps to 10011010 (according to the second row), which maps back to 0000000110101 (+53 in decimal).”
Yours,
Sascha “The Enclave” of Hillside Mall
Trauma Specialist, Corduroy Palace Records
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LOG: August 29, 2022
Another week is upon us and another barge leak (so to speak). We have a new transmission from our Hoagie-bound friends in the Marmalade Duplex. It is a real toe-tapper for sure. Happy-go-lucky even?
Our binary experts here at the Palace have transcribed the lyrics and they seem to mean the exact opposite as what is going on here, however. The band continues to communicate with us using their music and so how is this "lost communication"? Perhaps they are happy not to have a two way conversation.
We contacted our esteemed colleague and self-described Tuna Olive Village expert Dr. Hilbert Pupusa to try to shed some light on the goings ons here. We are not sure he listened to the latest missive but he did forward us an interview with him for a magazine called "RAWK LOG". We could not find any information on this publication but perhaps it exists outside the WWW. We present to you the dialogue in its entirety below.
Yours,
Samuel "Subordinate" Seashell
Surveyor of Internet Related Aquatic Affairs
Corduroy Palace Recordings and Wine Bars
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RAWK LOG: You are a noted champion of bunk rock and clog prog band Marmalade Duplex. What do you make of the news that they are currently trapped on a Hoagie Barge in the Digital Seas?
HILBERT PUPUSA: Hot snacking food - to be trapped on a hoagie barge doesn't immediately seem to be anything but a delectable challenge! But if you ruminate a crumb on the soggy implications, the
horror sinks in: how will they eat? Hoag forbid, you are one of those poor souls that must dryly swim through life in the desert of gluten free options. Knowing that Marmalade Duplex bob on perpetual waves of the pupusa and the dosa, I find it hard not to believe they are gluteeners on the rising seas - they will heroically chomp their way free!
However, what is the true nature of the waters that have so recently entrapped them? I used to think the phraseI used to think the phrase 'digital seas' was a metaphor for our technologically oversoaked age, but it seems that computers have caught on, eh? And that dreaded net? Perhaps it unfairly entangles their tectonic potentials?!
RL: Yes, computers are a ubiquitous feature of music and the culture at large these days - so much so that the band seems to have been reduced to communicating entirely by synths and binary code.
HP: Their lot is bleaker than I thought. Has the world not learned! After the stiff dance of that German robot band - incoherently lauding the bicycle and internal combustion engine from one futile robo-breath to the next - I would have thought we'd had our fill of borg-boy bands! Marmalade Duplex would never willingly commit themselves to such technobabble - surely their frictive label is holding them creatively hostage! & while I must admit that fashioning a barge out of dough is an appetizing spectacle - forcing the mighty Duplex to codify their kaleidoscopic bunk-vision is a disgusting abuse of commodification. Next you'll tell me they have been forced to plumb the depths of Tommy Cruise or the evening agri-news for song ideas!
RL: A brand new wikileak claims they are only watching episodes of Columbo on the barge.
HP: My favourite show?!! I should have known my lovely Marmalads would dress the ether with scrumptious clues for me! Normally I'd reserve donning my rumpled trench for sleuthing after discontinued snacks by phone, but I shall garb posthaste and follow the soggy stream of breadcrumbs to my barge-draggled band (phone hangs up)....
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LOG: August 22, 2022
We have another transmission for you. Mysteriously, this one (much like the second one) offers no binary code for us to interpret. If we are to interpret the music itself we would perhaps suggest that this could be a period of rest for the Marmalade Duplex. In fact, it sounds to me like they may have settled nicely into hoagie barge life to a degree. At least these sounds are hopeful. What the reality is, however, we cannot truly say.
I like to picture their hoagie barge docked somewhere calm and they are enjoying a moment of respite from the unpredictable seas. Well rested with a new dawn upon them. The sun peeking over the horizon and some small sandwiches readied, the ingredients harvested carefully, pulled from the very vessel that buoys them. Or maybe some fishing? Perhaps they are enjoying being "out of range" from the goings-ons here in the cities. Telly, Slab and Pectin, ready to engage in what the submarine sandwich boating life has to offer that day and discover if there are any pleasures to be had. I would also like to think this has turned into a working vacation for our friends as they have sent us some truly inspiring music to ponder.
While these transmissions do continue to be troubling and inconclusive, we would like to raise a glass from the Corduroy Palace Wine Bar to the Marmalade Duplex and wish them the best.
Eef "Pepsi Cola Variant" Marjolein
Corduroy Palace Travel & Destinations Department
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LOG: August 18th, 2022
It appears we were able to reach the Marmalade Duplex with our sophisticated *EMERGENCY* communication devices here at Corduroy Palace. However, the only response was this Suicide-like dirge (perhaps that is what music industry people would call it) sent as a transmission back to us WITH our initial messages to them included in it and ZERO response. The garbled end of our transmission to them is also causing us concern.
We are pleased that this confirms the Marmalade Duplex were/are still alive but it begs more questions. Are they mocking us? Is there a wine bar on the sandwich-ship? Do they sleep on tomatoes or giant pieces of swiss cheese? Teddy Dosa Lives? Were they able to find Teddy?Where did they acquire this vessel? At a Mr. Sub Boat Shop franchise?
In any case that Hoagie Barge of theirs must have "buns of steel" to be out there that long on the open seas!
In case you are just tuning in: MARMALADE DUPLEX IS LOST AT SEA ON A HOAGIE BARGE. THEY INITIALLY SENT US AN SOS AND WE ARE WORRIED! WE HAD HEARD THEY WERE ON A JOURNEY TO FIND THEIR DEAR FRIEND TEDDY "BEAR" DOSA.
Yours on dry land,
Chuck "Nanny Goat* Pistachio
Interim Director of Naval Studies
Corduroy Palace Recordings and Wine Bar
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LOG: August 16, 2022
We have received another transmission from the group and we now understand that the Marmalade Duplex are trapped on a Hoagie Barge somewhere. In addition to sharing their musical message we are also pleased to post a new video presentation by Tyler Witzel to illustrate their plight. Like all of us, Tyler was very concerned and we appreciate his help. Here is hoping all of this draws attention to their dilemma and we can find them safe. Please share!
youtu.be/F7u3Won8UMo
We would also like to promote awareness to the public about the dangers of being trapped in sandwich boats in bodies of water in general. Please be safe.
The aforementioned video presentation incorporates the audio transmission from the Marmalade Duplex and from the transcription we can only presume that they are on a hero sandwich-like vessel at sea.
This is not the happiest way to introduce our NEW youtube channel but we hope this proves helpful and educational. Also, be sure to visit our wine bar, The Corduroy Palace Wine Bar.
Yours,
Marilyn "Chalky" Ovaltine II
Director of Distressing Matters
Corduroy Palace Records
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LOG: August 12th, 2022
We have received another transmission from Marmalade Duplex. This time purely instrumental.
While we are pleased they are still "in range" and appear to be operating analogue keyboard equipment we are still deeply concerned (especially at this later date) and have deemed them to be officially LOST. The music seems to indicate there is some stress involved in this situation that is beyond their control.
Please remain vigilant and let us know if you hear from them. We care deeply about our artists and we find it truly heartwarming that they are still dedicated to their craft even in this terrible time of uncertainty. We ourselves will take inspiration from this and serve you up the finest wines at our Corduroy Palace Wine Bar. Please visit! Tonight we will offer 2% off our premium bottles (over 100 CAD), that is 1% for every day the band has been missing.
Take care of yourselves, more updates as we get them.
Clive "Horseradish Hair" Harriet
Press Agent for Corduroy Palace and Liaison for Marilyn "Chalky" Ovaltine II
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LOG: August 10th, 2022
We have received a transmission from the Marmalade Duplex that we find very distressing and we have posted it here. The last we heard was that they were going to search for their friend (and former bandmate) Teddy Bear Dosa. Please stay tuned for further updates.
We do care about our artists and wish them the best. Please visit our wine bar, the Original Corduroy Palace Wine Bar. Not the one in Singapore. They took our name.
Yours,
Marilyn "Chalky" Ovaltine II
Director of Distressing Matters
Corduroy Palace Records
